First let me say, GO YOU for clicking the link…that is a great first step in moving toward change! I also know that it’s often a tough one to make! Lets face it, counseling can kind of be an odd thing. You are supposed to talk to some stranger you JUST met about things that are TOUGH to talk about… even with your best friend! These are the personal issues that…maybe you know you NEED to talk about…but are HARD to actually…well…talk about! Hopefully what you read here will make the next step easier.
I’m glad you are here. In the 20 plus years I have been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist seeing Individuals, Couples, Teenagers and Families I have found that most likely you are in one of the following three camps.
Camp One: This is the first time you have looked for or thought about getting help…first time you’ve thought that maybe the things you are wrestling with are…well…more stubborn or just bigger than you have been able to manage or change on your own.
Camp Two: You have been contemplating getting some help for some time. Have maybe looked at some websites, listened to podcasts…even gone old school and read some books! But, still haven’t been able to make the changes you’d hoped for. So, you are looking at taking the next step…or maybe talking yourself OUT of taking that step!
Camp Three: You have had therapy before and either loved it (welcome back!) or maybe you felt that it could have been…different. Maybe you thought your therapist could have been more involved…or just offered more tools and tips that would help you make the changes you want to make. And now, you are looking for that “something more”
No matter which camp you come from (or even if none of those fit for you) I want to say GO YOU for taking a step towards change! Even if you don’t reach out here, it’s still a step you can feel proud of that you even clicked on the link! You have acknowledged that you want change, that you are willing to look outside yourself for something different…and now you are moving toward taking ACTION to create that change! Again, GO YOU!
Keep in mind:
Thinking about change…doesn’t create change…you have to DO something to make change happen. Pearls of wisdom I’ve heard over the years about change:
- In order to be different…you have to be willing to DO different.
- The easiest thing to do is what we’ve always DONE, but doing different is necessary to create change.
- It is up to YOU, you can change things…. or not.
- If if you think you cannot change, you will be right. The good news is, if you think you CAN change, you will also be right.
- Change in uncomfortable…embrace that discomfort as it means you are doing DIFFERENT
Feeling ready to make a change? Again GO YOU!!! Wondering what the firs step is? You’ve already taken it by reading this page!!! Now, the next step choosing a therapist. There are many parts to this. Here ie the nutshell:
Check with your insurance first. They likely will cover counseling and can help guide you to who takes your insurance and who has openings in their schedule. BEST case is you get someone on your panel and can move on to the next step.
Make the call. I know. I’m old school. But I think there is something about CALLING, about hearing the therapist’s voice about the…and I can’t believe I’m going to say this…but the VIBE you get…or at least the flow of the conversations. Sometimes it will just feel like a hard NO, just from that talk. Feeling comfortable in the initial conversation is important, the first impression deal. I always aim to make clients start feeling comfortable from that very first interaction. I am respectful, listen and am up front from the outset so you get a good sense of who I am and how I do things. .Many posts will say that talking $ in that first conversation is a “no -no” but really…isn’t it good to know what you’ll be PAYING before that first appointment? If the therapist takes your insurance or not? Seems to me to make an informed decision…you need to be…well…informed. So, yes talk money it matters.
If your session is in person it is important to feel comfortable in the office. I try to make sure clients feel comfortable in my space. And, while there might be a lot of PINK, it is a welcoming space where you can sit and even have a of candy to snack onI
If you session is online…being comfortable is…different. It’s likely you are on YOUR couch, so it’s not that…for some they are MORE comfortable in their own space. However, we do run in to things like dropped calls, bad signal etc… I have the best internet and have chosen a HIPPA compliant confidential and secure platform to use for all video based interactions. While it is not zoom, it is similar and it is easy to use and the link is sent direct to your phone and email prior to each appointment.
Once you have chosen someone and have a degree of comfort in their space, we must look at the…connection with the therapist. We are all individuals and offer very different things…from our backgrounds to our styles of communication, to our self-disclosure levels etc… For example, I know, I am not everyone’s cup of tea…I have pink highlights in my hair…and that alone can be a…negative thing for some…and yes a positive for others 🙂 And that is OK, there are lots of us out there so there will be a therapist who will be your cup of tea.
If you come to see me, I will do what I can to help you feel comfortable, to give you the chance to see if this is a place you can work to create change. I hope that by the end of the first session clients are thinking, “I can tell Kelly anything and she won’t judge or make me feel bad about it!” Ok, maybe not in the FIRST session, but you get the idea. I know that this connection is the bedrock upon which a successful counseling experience is built. I can tell you, if you don’t trust your counselor, don’t feel that connection….it is highly unlikely counseling will help.
A bit about my style as a counselor (BTW counselor and therapist, in this context, really are the same thing.) I am a pretty straightforward and while I listen well and have lots of empathy… I also believe part of my job as a therapist is be straight forward. Only from an honest conversation can change really begin. I saw a little video…and the gal said, “what if YOU are the problem and your therapist tells you, it’s EVERYONE else not you that you are FINE” well…she hasn’t been to see me…or really any therapist who wants to help create change. The change starts with YOU, so you first must have a therapist willing to look at what YOU control…and that is YOU, not someone else. So, while you may find that you have OTHERS in your life that make you nuts…my focus is going to be on what YOU can do about it, what YOU can change…and NOT just focusing on “them.”
In this vein, I do what I call “Nail on the head” therapy…if you want to put a nail in the wall, you get out a hammer, figure out where the stud is, and WHACK it on the head…you don’t beat around it, you don’t use your shoe, not if you want it to stay! Given this philosophy, I believe in figuring out…with you…what it is YOU want to change, what issues you most want to work on…and then together we decide how to proceed from there. I will help you set goals that are reasonable and doable…then help you learn to use tools that will help you accomplish those goals. My tools are simple and user friendly…just check out my blog to see what I mean 🙂
I also tend to be more of a short term therapist While I have done longer term work…I don’t think therapy needs to take FOERVER to help. I also think Humor has a place in therapy…it can help lighten the load, it can make us remember things more effectively…and in general…can make the tough stuff easier to look at. So, if you come to me…be prepared for straight forward, tool based therapy….that includes smiling and yes, crying, as I believe both can be a part of the overall process of change. Not sure what you want to work on? Not sure what you want to change? That is ok too…we can figure that out together.
Now is the time…if you are reading this…you’ve must be at least thinking of getting counseling…why not reach out a free consultation? From there you can decide if the time is right for you, and if I’m the right therapist for you.
A final note, I know getting in with a therapist has become increasingly difficult as many of us are full and/or do not take insurance. As I tend to do more “short term” work, I often have space for new clients. I take Lyra and Anthem EAP and am also happy to help you in accessing any out of network benefits you may have. I see individuals (teenagers on up) and couples in person in San Luis Obispo. I also do video or phone sessions and am happy to discuss what might work best for you. Give me a call and lets see if I have a time slot that will work for you….sure can’t hurt!
So, are you ready for change? Ready to take ACTION to create that change? Or do you just want to discover if you are ready? Reach out, let’s chat and go from there.
To request an appointment online go to:
or email me at: KellyBell@805therapy.com
Or call/text me at: 805-904-6210
I look forward to hearing from you.
805 Therapy 