On the First Day of Christmas, we decided to be more accepting of others
On the Second day we decided to make gift giving even easier by managing our gift giving expectations.
On the Third Day of Christmas, we checked IN on the plan
On the Forth Day we decided to LOOK at our gift giving habits
On the Fifth we decided to get REAL, to NOT should on ourselves or others!
Now, for the sixth day. We will try to be KINDER to ourselves.
I realized yesterday I was behind on these posts, at least if I wanted to do one a day and end on Christmas day. I was bummed and could FEEL the Nudge to be MAD at myself, to beat myself UP some. WHY oh WHY didn’t I start earlier? WHY didn’t I focus MORE on getting these DONE and the list goes on. Then, I sat and decided:
I am NOT going to be so hard on myself!
I know that this time of year we can be EXTRA hard on ourselves (and others). We often even forget to check in with ourselves at all, but if we DO it’s often not very nice! I get it, we are busy, lots going on and expectations are HIGH (hopefully LESS so if you are practing what you learned in the first Five days of this blog series!).
The self check is often super hard for many folks. But it is OH SO IMPORTANT.
Simply ask:
“How am I doing this Holiday Season?”
Be honest here. Some folks LOVE the Holidays, some do NOT. It’s ok. Here you are just saying how am I doing? NO Judgement, just honesty. I find writing down the answer helps sometimes, or just saying it outload. The key is BE HONEST.
Then, whatever your response, BE KIND to YOURSELF about that response. Maybe you have experienced a loss or had some sort of trauma or setback that is making things tough. Maybe for you, Holidays are just HARD. Sit with your response, let it BE.
Then, whatever your answer, remember
THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER or WAY WE MUST FEEL
We can be SO hard on ourselves that we think the RIGHT way to behave or feel is the OPPOSTITE of what we are doing or feeling! We give a gift and think we should have spent more (or less). We go to a party and think we weren’t cheery enough, didn’t talk enough (or talked too much). We want to sit by ourselves for a moment and have a cup of tea and we think “I’m being antisocial”. This negative thinking steals our holiday cheer MORE than anything else could. It takes away all chance of seeing the positive, of being cheery. Because we have doubled down on our negative thoughts.
AKA: Not only am I not feeling holiday spirit, but now I’m ALSO a FAILURE for NOT being cheery!!
SO,
Let’s all STOP being so MEAN to ourselves!
Let’s Exercise some compassion for YOU, just as you would to OTHERS.
Be as kind and loving to YOURSELF, as you would be to others.
Are you feeling:
A bit sad this year? Ok, it’s ok to be sad.
Stressed this year? Ok, it’s ok to be stressed.
Feeling overwhelmed this year? That’s ok too
Feelings are what they ARE. See them, accept them, allow yourself to FEEL them without JUDGING yourself for HAVING them. Once you ALLOW your feelings, and are kind to yourself, you MAY be able to move toward feeling a little better.
Sure, we’d all like to be LOADED with Holiday Cheer, but that doesn’t mean we ARE or that we have FAILED if we are NOT. Keep in mind despite all the songs that tout Holiday Spirit, it is OK if you are simply NOT feeling it!
I know this is HARD, so here are some tips
How to feel a bit better:
Manage your expectations of YOU: do NOT expect to be perfect, do NOT expect to DO EVERTHING, do NOT expect to please EVERYONE, do NOT expect things to be TOTALLY different JUST because it’s the holidays.
Know YOU: Sit with yourself, what is YOUR Holiday History? Is this a good time to begin to let some historical baggage go? Do you need to take MORE time for yourself to balance out the increased demands of others this time of year? Can you let go of any guilt you feel about what you DO need and want? Can you challenge that idea that you are simply “doing it wrong?”
Be KIND to YOU: what are some lovely things you can say about YOU. What are some of your good qualities, what are you good at. If you can’t think of a THING, ask someone who knows you well and who you trust: THEN BELIEVE THEM! If you can’t come up with a few things, if you can’t believe what others say about you that is NICE, might be time to reach out and get some help with that.
Know the Truth: YOU are unique, like no other. Self-acceptance allows us to be OK with that. Self-acceptance allows us to STOP judging ourselves SO harshly, it allows us to accept our limitations, accept our wants, our likes and dislikes rather than JUDGE them as BAD. Self-acceptance says, “I’m not PERFECT, but nobody else is either!” instead of: “oh compared to Susan I SUCK. She volunteers and gives to charity, and makes cookies for the whole office, is so thoughtful and and and….”
Here is the thing, have you ever noticed when we compare ourselves to others we mostly compare UP (to folks we see as “better” than us) and NEVER down (to folks, for example, who are perhaps less thoughtful)? I’m SURE there is someone LESS thoughtful than YOU, I’m SURE there are folks who do LESS than you. In fact, I would BET even Susan has someone SHE compares herself to who does things BETTER!!! It’s awful folks, always feeling…LESS, always comparing ourselves to others and coming up SHORT. I’d love to say DON’T COMPARE, but let’s be real, we DO compare. So, for this holiday season (and maybe beyond) let’s instead say:
I have flaws but on balance I am good with WHO I am. I am good with MYSELF. I even have a LIST of things about ME that are lovely! I know I make every effort to do my best and accept that I’m not perfect, but then neither is Susan! 😊
Create your own IMPROVED self-talk. This is sort of the old school cover letter: why we are AMAZING or at least why we are GOOD or even just better than we thought. Moving in the right direction is what counts…so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t nail it!
Then come back for the 7th Day!!!
805 Therapy 