On the First Day of Christmas we decided to be more accepting of differences
On the Second day we decided to make gift giving even easier by managing our gift giving expectations.
On the Third Day of Christmas, we checked IN on the plan
Now, on the fourth day we are going to pause and THINK before we hit BUY.
There are many reasons we buy gifts, some good, others not so much. So, lets LOOK at our gift giving behavior.
Lets say you have a nice gift in your cart for a certain person. You are ready to hit buy.
WAIT!
Before you do, ask yourself:
WHY am I buying THIS gift? Spending this amount of money?
What am I trying to SAY with this gift? What will they think I’m saying with this gift?
WHO is this gift really “for” ME or THEM?
What is the Wow value of this gift? (more on this later)
Am I asking TOO MUCH from this gift? (expectations of what we want them to do/say aka what response we will get)
All these questions will help us decide if we really want to give THIS gift, or need to make some adjustments.
This is important because we need to be conscious about why we are making this gift choice. This does a couple of things; it helps us set our expectations properly and it allows us to feel GOOD about our gift giving. And that leads to much LESS gift giving remorse!
We’ve talked mostly thus far about your significant other, and that can fit here, but we are going to expand this one to include other folks in our lives. Friends, family, co-workers, anybody that we would give a gift to. But really, this is more about YOU. It’s about YOU looking at what you are DOING, hopefully BEFORE you do it!
If you ever watched Gilmore Girls there is a scene where the Lane character says she gave her mom perfume and to Lane perfume meant “you work hard and deserve something nice just for you” what it meant to her mom was: “Here is the smelly sex juice used to lure boys” and Lane got sent to Bible camp all summer!!!
In that conversation Lane talks about how we have to think of the RECIEVER of the gift, and what is says to THEM. NOT what we think it SHOULD say to them. I was in Ross (I know again, but it’s Christmas!) and there were SEVERAL men wandering around, clearly lost, looking for some gift, any gift. Some looked at candy, some at socks…yep…socks. I kept thinking, I hope your honey LOVES socks! Or that she LOVES candy! And that she LOVES YOU, because socks are NOT likely a great gift! These are the sorts of generic gifts the previous three days of Christmas blog posts should help folks avoid…but they haven’t read my blog. So, socks it is!
Now, YOU are reading this (maybe sharing it with folks you know and love) so YOU can do better!
Gift Giving Quiz
Ask yourself each question. I’ll give some possible answers, but your will likely vary and that is OK. This is just about making sure you KNOW why YOU are buying the gift you are buying.
- Why am I buying THIS gift? Why am I spending this among of money?
Because I have to BUY SOMETHING; Because I don’t know what ELSE to buy; Because I think it will be LOVED; Because I ran out of time; Because I think they’ll LOVE ME MORE if I do; Because they will forgive me for X after this sweet gift! Because I love them and want to get them something nice; Because I think THEY need X, even if they don’t think so; Because I think they’ll appreciate it/use it; Because they would likely not buy it for themselves (Fill in your own!)
2. What am I trying to SAY with this gift? What will THEY think I’m saying with this gift?
That I love them; That I know them; That I know what they like; That they “need” this gift; That I want to be forgiven; That I am thinking of them; That I have MONEY to BURN; That I don’t care enough to think what they might like; That i do NOT know them, love them or think they are important to me?
3. WHO is this gift really “for” ME or THEM?
DO I think they NEED this, even if they don’t; Do I THINK they need to travel, to do the things I like doing? Do I want them to WANT this or do they really want this?
4. Am I asking too much from this gift?
Are my expectations realistic with regard to what the gift can DO, and what “they” will do in response to this gift? Am I thinking it’s going be reparative? Am I thinking a gift is going to get me love? Am I SURE they’ll forgive me, love me etc… because of the gift. Am I thinking that this gift will heal old wounds? I am TOO SURE there will be HIGH wow value?
Then based on your answers your final question is:
5. Do I really want to give THIS gift?
Do I need to make some adjustments? Do I need to adjust my expectations? What will help me feel GOOD about giving this gift. Adjust, then go back over the questions until you feel GOOD about your choice. Don’t do this TEN TIMES for each gift, be realistic and use this tool wisely, NOT as a way to make yourself NUTS!
Gift giving scale.
HIT (Major WOW value!) ————————————————————-MAJOR MISS (really?)
High WOW value Gifts are ones that make the other person feel honored, known, valued, loved all the GOOD stuff.
MAJOR MISS gifts are the ones that we TRY to smile and be GRATEFUL for, thinking “after all it’s better than NO gift” (at least that is what we try to tell ourselves) but lets face it, if we get chocolate (from someone who knows us well) and we area allergic or dieting…probably going to be a MISS.
Now realistically MOST gifts will be someplace in between WOW!!! and REALLY!?? And that is ok, just how it is. But at least if we are THINKING about this scale and measuring our gift against it (remember it is the RECIEVER who determines wow value) we are more likely to get closer to WOW.
If you have watched the Big Bang Theory, the Sheldon character says he hates giving gifts because there is just too much that can go wrong. What if “they” give you a tiny gift and you give them a BIG ONE, or visa versa. There is just no way to tell what the “right” gift is UNTIL you get your gift from the other person. I know, sorta takes the fun out, but still it’s often how we feel. Well, Sheldon then draws Penny’s name in the gift exchange. Now, he’s totally UNSURE what she is getting HIM, so he can’t decide what HE needs to give to HER. So, he buys 5 gift baskets of varying sizes, thinking, AFTER she gives him his gift, he’ll be able to choose which SIZE gift basket that creates balance. Then she gives him a napkin not only SIGNED by Leonard Nemoy but also one clearly USED by him. She proceeds to apologize because it was USED by him before he signed it. Then Sheldon RUNS to his room and brings out ALLLLL the gift baskets to give to her! Because to HIM, he now has Leonard Nimoy’s signature AND his DNA!!!! THAT is WOW value.
So you can see sometimes we HIT it by accident! She thought the DNA was gross, and Sheldon thought it was AMAZING. Just goes to show gift giving is not a science, so we just do the best we can.
So, LOOK at your gift giving reasons, and stive to be on the WOW value side. AND know you are just not going to hit it every time. Also know “they” are not going to hit YOUR wow value spot every time, be gracious and kind and vow to help them do better next year!
Keep your expectations realistic, your reaons for gift giving clear and go to thier LIST if they have one…that is the MOST likely way to get WOW.
SO, if your honey asked for Socks great…if not gotta say, Probably a MISS gift!!!
805 Therapy 