On the First Day of Christmas we decided to set things up for success and to remember we did not marry our clone!
Now, lets make it giving easy…or at least EASIER. For those of you that do not struggle with this, GO YOU, however if you do sometimes have a hard time read on!
Ok, do you know the song Santa Baby? I love it, it’s cute and catchy and I always sing along. Now, some folks HATE this song, it’s a little, well…greedy right? I mean she wants a Sable under the tree, and a 54 convertible, LIGHT BLUE, and a yacht and a deed to a platinum mine and a duplex and checks and a ring and decorations bought at Tiffany!!! THAT is a LIST! Frankly, one I personally like a LOT better than the 12 days of Christmas gift list (who wants a partridge in a pair tree!?!), but it is QUITE THE LIST!!
So, why am mixing up songs with my metaphors? Well, because Santa Baby’s list is NOTHING if not CLEAR. Boy howdy do you KNOW what she wants! She even gave the COLOR of the car! If this list were in real life we would have:
NO MISSED EXPECTATIONS
NO GUESSWORK
NO HURT FEELINGS
NO GAMES OR TESTS
NO FAILURES
ALL SUCCESSES!
Ok, so most of us also would have to BREAK the bank to get even ONE of these gifts!!! But that is not the point. The point is that she has made it CLEAR what she WANTS.
So, what is day two about?
SETTING CLEAR EXPECTATIONS
We will avoid all sorts of gift giving PAIN if we are CLEAR on just what we want and need. A list is GOOD so the gift givers in our lives are clear on our wants and needs. But we need to go a step further:
SHARE THOSE EXPECATIONS
In the song she has done BOTH of these. She is CLEAR on what she wants AND she has SHARED what she wants. If you are the gift giver and the gift receiver gives you some ideas of what to GET, that is a gift all on it own! No more GUESSWORK, no more struggle of what is “right” no more GUESSSING! The likelihood you’ll NAIL IT, goes up leaps and bounds!!!! Yes, I know. Some of this takes the “surprise” part out, the “thoughtful” (aka, how well do they know me and pay attention to me) OUT. But it tends to make up for that by providing EASE, and that is worth a LOT. And you can always try to add in some little things that are more on that “thoughtful” side. Plus, would you get a 52 Convertible in light blue if you didn’t know THAT is what they want!?! Probably not! That leads me to:
GET REAL TOGETHER
Ok, I know you were already thinking about how truly Unrealistic this songs list is for MOST folks. Any one of those things would break the bank for most of us. But not ALL, for some very wealthy folks…this might be a great list! Ok, I dont’ know anyone like that…and really? A deed to a platinum mine or a duplex…ok the list is a little silly! YOUR list is about YOU. It is about making the a DEAL together. It might even be be NO gifts, it might be volunteering someplace, or donating, or saving for a trip or or or. The idea here is to be REAL with YOUR situation, YOUR finances, YOUR gift giving limitations. If you are barely able to pay the bills, your list would reflect that. If you are sitting pretty, your list would reflect that. You also want to do this TOGETHER. Maybe one of you is more “spendy” and one is less, getting real TOGETHER will respect both people in the relationship. NOT just one. You are looking to negotiate until you BOTH give a resounding THUMBS UP!
MAKE YOUR OWN AGREEMENT
Simple as that.
Ok, so let’s complicate it some. Here are some things your agreement needs to include:
DOLLAR AMOUNT.
Doesn’t matter what it IS, but it should be DISCUSSED and AGREED UPON. And then you want to get pretty close to that limit. If you say the limit is 100 and one person spends 100 and the other spends 10, that is likely NOT going to feel good for either person.
GIVE DIRECTION
Simple: 54 convertible, Light blue. The end. Ok short of that: Send them a LINK to the exact Item(s) including color and size etc… Don’t love this?
Or
WISH LIST: You and your honey AGREE to a spending limit, you each give the other a list of various items (any of which you would love) they could get one big one or several little ones, as long as they don’t go OVER the limit. (there is a very popular website that organizes this beautifully) Then share the wish list! You can also have that site share via email as you update the list, thus servicing as a lovely REMINDER that a gift giving opportunity is at hand 😊
WRITE IT DOWN FOR CLARITY
I know, folks hate this. But it HELPS. NOT to say “SEEEEE!!!! YOU AGREED” if they mix things up…but so we can share it later to make SURE we actually are on the same page.
Short of that at least say, “so what I understand our plan is…..”
STICK TO THE PLAN
DO NOT MAKE A PLAN/AGREEMENTS IF YOU WILL NOT FOLLOW THOUGH!!!! An agreement that is NOT stuck to is worse than NO agreement at all. It’s a waste of time, energy and frankly feels very dismissive and unfair. SO, after you make SURE you UNDERSTAND and AGREE to the plan, agree to STICK TO THE PLAN!!! (more on this in the next post)
KEY NOTE: There is NOTHING wrong with letting your honey know what you want, showing them what you like and getting them what they want and like FROM a list. I see so many folks who equate LOVE with these gift giving moments, back to the test. But, think about it, is it really SO important that they know your fav color? Or is it more important that they come home every night and listen to how your day went?
Let’s make this an EASY WIN, rather than a weird challenge. Leys give each other a break and MAKE GIFT GIVING EASY. WIN WIN’s are wonderful!
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