Your PERSONAL WORLD VIEW
AKA: the Core Beliefs that keep you STUCK in the MUCK
Your “World View” is how you see yourself and how you FIT in to the world. It is based on your core beliefs…it’s not ONE thought or belief, but rather several and they are developed over the years and years of self-talk, of training, of time after time believing the things we THINK. Even validating them over and over.
Some of these core beliefs are friendly…but MANY are NOT friendly and are often UGLY. These beliefs often make us FEEL bad and DRIVE us to do things that are NOT in our best interest. You might have to DIG a bit to find them…in this day and age we are taught NOT to think so negatively…but that doesn’t mean we DONT…just means we tend to not LOOK at those thoughts. Alternatively, there are times when ALL we do is LOOK at these beliefs…and we treat them as though they are just TRUE, they are FACTS…they are reflective of what IS. Whether we look at them or not…we sure we FEEL them…and are impacted BY them…the pretty and the ugly.
It is SO IMPORTANT to know these beliefs…because they do impact us. They are often under the surface (just out of view) guiding us in ways we are frequently unaware of…but guiding us nonetheless. You cant change what you don’t KNOW.
Our goals for this tool are simple really:
Know our core beliefs
Challenge them
Re-write them where possible, or at least minimize/manage their impact on us.
To DO this we need to know a few things about these core beliefs.
WORLD VIEW FACTS
There are basically two kinds of core beliefs that feed in to our world view: positive and negative (not much in the way of neutral)
Positive:
is just how it sounds…it’s nice, it’s pretty it makes us smile. Sounds lovely right? And they can be….and we want to HOLD ON an VALIDATE those (more on this later) HOWEVER, these can be…less positive. We often minimize or qualify these, “I’m a nice person, mostly…or but not as nice as…..” or we even use them for EVIL, “I’m a FIXER” sounds positive right? Until you need to FIX everything, and if you don’t you are a FAILER at being a fixer! More on this later.
Negative:
the opposite….not nice, not pretty, no smiles. Sadly, we tend to VALIDATE the CRAP out of the these, even if they have a qualifier, “sometimes I can be kinda mean” we don’t really BELIEVE the “sometimes” or the “kinda” so in our head it is more “MOSTLY I am really mean”. These hurt us, but we tend to find anything we can to validate them, to prove them…to KEEP them. I know, yuck…More on this later too.
We BELIEVE what we THINK.
So, if a core belief is, “I’ll never measure up” we BLIEVE that to be true…often without question. IF we DO question it is more to validate the belief…so we FIND things that PROVE this thought. We let these beliefs GUIDE us. If we think, “I am not a nice person” and then when we ARE not nice (even just a LITTLE, don’t let the person with 3 items go ahead of us in the grocery store line)…we think “SEE!!! I was RIGHT, I’m not nice!” Add to this that we LIKE being RIGHT. We also find some twisted comfort in validating what we think, these LONG held beliefs…again, twisted comfort is still comfort. Familiarity is also comforting…it’s what we “know” and even if it’s UGLY we LIKE that we KNOW. Sad, but often true.
For example, there has been a bunch of research on lottery winners…did you know a LARGE percentage end up BROKE after only a few short years? There is one theory that suggests it’s because their core belief was “I’m don’t know how to manage money” or “I am not capable of having extra money” or “I’ll screw this up somehow!” and since they did NOT change the core beliefs they tend to lose most if not all of the money! Core Beliefs are that POWERFUL!
FAMILY:
Yep, we learned these views somewhere. Often starting in our family of origin. They are the things that our parents saw us as…a lot of these START out positive, for example,
“You are a great student, look at all those A’s” but then it turns in to…”I’m only LOVED because I’m a good student,” or “I am ONLY good enough IF I get ALL A’s (if I’m perfect)” Or parents are critical or simply rotten to start,
“You are the black sheep of the family” “you’ll never be good enough.”
And we KEEP that in our minds…and they become core beliefs. Super fun right?
CHANGE is UNCOMFORTABLE.
HUGELY uncomfortable for some. It is often easier to just believe the CRAP we think than it is to challenge it. After all, we have often believed this stuff for YEARS and we have LOTS of evidence to PROVE it…so isn’t challenging it just stupid? A waste of time? And doesn’t challenging it mean we were WRONG in the first place? Who likes being wrong!?!?! NOBODY.
Our world view is a powerhouse.
It is made up of a million little things…a few larger things and Lot and lots of evidence over lots and lots of years. The core beliefs that create it can be SO ingrained that we don’t even THINK to question them. So, “I a poor person” can still exist even when you have money. Or “I am not successful in my career” sticks even if you have moved up and gotten raises and gotten great employee evaluations. You can still BELIEVE you are NOT successful…there is always some THING, that project that wasn’t perfect, or someone ELSE who is doing “better” than you. You don’t consider challenges to it, you don’t even question if the belief is accurate…you just BELIEVE IT. OFTEN with no questions asked.
So, are we stuck in this crappy place? Do we just have these core beliefs and are doomed to be guided by them? Thankfully NO!
LET’S START ASKING QUESTIONS!!!!
First question: what are my core beliefs?
Identify a core belief. Don’t worry if it’s the biggest or the worst or whatever…just sit, look inside and find one.
Example: “I don’t have value, unless I’m perfect” (I know, generic this is just an example)
Second question: WHY do you have that core belief, what are its origins?
Look for the starting place…or if not the starting place the best you can recall. Where did this start? What is it based on? How long have you had it?
Example: Parents only patted you on the back if you got ALL A’s, if you got one B that is all they focused on. If I got 98% on a test all I could focus on was what I MISSED.
Example: Lost my job. NO reason I can think of, I wasn’t GIVEN a reason…just let go. I want it to make sense…so (based on my background, temperament, and perhaps OTHER core beliefs) I create a new one that says, “I’m a TERRIBLE employee! I’ll never work again!”
The tricky part of core belief creation is we tend to take ONE experience and make it true for ALL experiences. We make it a GLOBAL TRUTH. Does being fired ONCE really mean you are a terrible employee? That you’ll never work again?
Now, keep in mind…this COULD just be a quick short term reaction to an event…it could be we just think that for a BIT…and it does not necessarily turn in to a core belief….sort of goes away on it’s own. If so, cool. That’s that. BUT it could also be the origin story of a core belief. Something to chew on as you look at core belief creation.
Don’t spend too much time here right now…this can be a bit of a rabbit hole. You can always come back to this later.
Third question: What validates this belief?
Here you are looking for those things that make you think this belief is TRUE. These are often hidden, because we don’t really THINK about why the belief is true…we just BELIEVE IT. It’s good to get some idea though, about the thoughts that make this thought believable.
Examples:
You said ONE THING wrong and your significant other broke up with you. SEE what happens when you are not perfect!!!!!!
Your career isn’t where you’d like it to be…MUST be because you can’t do things RIGHT!!!!!!!
My friend didn’t respond to my text; I must have said the wrong thing (not perfect); so they don’t like me (no value)!!!!!!
I was FIRED, MUST be because I SUCK!!!!
Fourth Question: How does this belief impact your life? Guide what you DO in your life?
Here you want to really THINK about your life, the things you do, the choices you make and have made. This can be tough too but keep at it you’ll find things and I’d bet have some ah ha moments.
Example:
*You don’t have friends, because you BELIEVE you don’t deserve them. Or because you believe that you will FAIL them, so what is the point.
*You have friends, but only choose them based on what YOU have to offer them, and often feel taken advantage of (which you believe you deserve somehow) .
*Maybe you don’t take ANY chances….play is SAFE so you cannot FAIL. The downside of course is you also don’t have a lot of successes…which also validates your belief that you are a failure or don’t have any value…vicious circle!
*Your world is really small because you KNOW you can’t be PERFECT so why even try?
*YOU believe you don’t have value, so treat yourself badly…over eat, over spend, choose folks who treat you badly (proving you MUST deserve that treatment) negative self- talk the list goes ON and ON…and then ON.
*You choose a job you had no passion for, no interest in, didn’t really want…setting yourself up for perhaps, maybe being fired. I know, tricky.
FINAL question: DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP JUST BELIEVING AND VALIDATING THESE CORE BELIEFS??????
I’m going to give you the answer to this one: NO, YOU DO NOT!!!
YOU have power over these core beliefs, after all they are in YOUR head,
YOU are the one that validates them, that BELIEVES them…so that means
YOU have the power to change them!!!
I can say that…you can read that, but you must BELIEVE it to create real change. If you don’t believe you can challenge or change these beliefs…then well…you can’t. SO breathe this IN:
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO ALTER YOUR CORE BELIEFS
No, it’s not EASY because after all, these core beliefs are what makes up our WORLD VIEW…how we see the world and how we fit in it…how we see ourselves in that world. AND it’s likely you have had many of these beliefs for a LONG time. Also, likely you could make a LONG LIST of why they are RIGHT. And only have a very short list (if any list at all) of things that challenge those core beliefs…that prove them wrong.
So, challenging them can just feel…overwhelming, impossible or even just STUPID.
But it can be done. First, we are going to look at how to challenge the NEGATIVE core beliefs…these tend to be more damaging and feel more TRUE. Then we will look at cleaning up and validating the positive ones.
Ok…here is the tool to CHANGE NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS
FIRST STEP: See the core belief as JUST A BELIEF not A FACT.
If you look back and can see the origin…or just look at what we call it “belief” that means it is just some thing we learned…maybe growing up. Or we experienced a trauma or event of some sort that we HAD to make sense out of…so a core belief was created to make sense of that THING.
Remember core beliefs FEEL like facts, so it is likely that your core beliefs have exclamation points at the end. Sometimes LOTS of them.
Example: I am CERTAIN I was fired because I SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We would not challenge that…it’s just a FACT. We often recall other times we have SUCKED that add to the validity of the thought.
Here is key concept: sometimes that many exclamation points and that degree of CERTAINTY are the very cues that we need to look for when identify a core belief we want to challenge. Because how often do we really believe something THAT FULLY? How often are we THAT certain? Why does it NEED that many exclamation points? The global part…the always, certain, forever, never…are BIG words….why do we include those words? Why do we have to work THAT hard to keep that belief? Core beliefs…sort of want to be maintained…almost like they take on a life of their own…and they will go to great lengths to be maintained. So, let’s short circuit the methods that we use to keep us thinking these beliefs are JUST TRUE.
STEP TWO: Take out the global word, the qualifier.
Here that word is “certain” It might be always, it might be forever, never, you get the idea. Something that makes it…HUGE. We are just softening the statement, making it so we are more likely to even THINK we CAN challenge it. We are taking away some of it’s POWER…short circuit number one!
Core belief becomes: I THINK I was fired because I SUCK!!!!!!!!
Ok, still not pretty. Also not as easy as it sounds. You may need to start…smaller…by reducing the qualifier. It might look like this:
Core belief as is:
I am CERTAIN I was fired because I SUCK!!!!!!!
Altered core belief:
I am pretty SURE (fairly certain) I was fired because I suck!!!!!!!!!!!
Sit with it like that…absorb that change. It is LESS UGLY right?
Alter it again:
Maybe I was fired because I suck!!! (that comes with less “!!!” and less YUCK, right?)
Hopefully we can land on
I THINK I was fired because I suck!! (even less STRONG, less !!!! and it just feels better and lends itself to the next step) Even if you don’t believe this altered version yet…keep going!
STEP THREE: Take that statement and turn it into a question.
Yet another way to short circuit the POWER of core beliefs…is to take out the !!!!! and put IN ??????? Yep. Change the trajectory of the statement from FACT to QUESTION.
Less global Altered core belief: I THINK I was fired because I suck!!!!
Ok, now we ask: Was I FIRED because I suck?
Ok, I know…that sometimes that just does NOT sound right…because inside we still may BELIEVE that we were fired because we suck…but to challenge that we NEED it to be a question.
If we say, I was fired because I suck!!! We have no place to go, nothing to challenge or question.
If we say: I wonder if I was fired because I suck. OR even better, WAS I fired because I suck? We have some ROOM to challenge this thought. We have already MOVED it from a FACT that can’t be challenged…to a question we can now try to answer.
If you are really STUCK this will still be tough. You will ASK it LIKE it’s a question…but answer it like it’s not.
Example:
Question: Was I fired because I suck?
Answer: of course, look at all the things I DID that PROVE I SUCK! and you’ll have a list.
Ok, get that out of the way. I’m a realist. I’m not going to TELL you to NOT do something that you are going to DO anyway. So, go for it.
If one of the reasons you were fired is because you STOPPED showing UP, then yeah…that could be a fact. BUT more often we don’t have that sort of reason…we have to REACH, we have to DIG for the reasons that FIT the FACT that it was because we do indeed SUCK.
So the list might look like this:
- I didn’t care that much about the job and they could TELL (with no concrete evidence that this impacted your actions on the job)!!!
- I wasn’t FAST enough in getting projects done (but was never TOLD that or given that feedback)!!!
- I wasn’t involved enough (again with no evidence)!!!
- I didn’t engage with other employees enough (never TOLD that)!!!
- I am just not GOOD enough (this one can be “thought” even despite evidence to the contrary, good evaluations, raises etc…)!!!
- I’ve NEVER been good enough at anything!!!!!
- I’ve been fired from EVERY job!!!
- Nobody ELSE gets fired!
- Downsizing, which is what they SAID, isn’t really true! (even despite the fact that others were also let go as part of the downsizing)!!!
- Being “let go” is the SAME as being fired!!!!
So, when you choose your own core belief to challenge…make the list…get it out of your system.
Ok, now I want you to notice a few things about this list.
*it tends to be non-specific and vague
*it has no real evidence you can point to for back up
*some of it is from other experiences
*some of it is from other core beliefs
*some of it is exaggerated…some is catastrophizing
*some of it is just not true
Doesn’t seem to matter if any of the above are right…we BELIEVE what we BELIEVE period.
Now, AFTER that ugly list. Here is the good news, we can actually USE that ugly list to create a more realistic list that actually answers the question.
Question from the core belief: Was I fired because I suck?
- *I didn’t care that much about the job…that might be true, but I still DID the job and I never did get any feedback saying that I didn’t care enough: no employee evaluations, no supervisor feedback etc…
- *I wasn’t FAST enough in getting projects done: I was NEVER told that, in fact I was often told I got things done quickly and was given positive feedback
- *I wasn’t involved enough: I was not told this, have no concrete evidence to back this up.
- *I didn’t engage with other employees enough: is this true? Did I engag as much as others? Did my level of engagement really make a difference in my reviews etc…
- *I am just not GOOD enough: REALLY? Based on what evidence? ON THIS JOB, not on other jobs or other areas…on THIS JOB. We have to be careful not to take OTHER evidence and use it to validate the current thought. Challenge: I got good evaluations, raises etc…)
- *I’ve NEVER been good enough at anything!!!!! Really? Can’t think of a SINGLE thing?
- *I’ve been fired from EVERY job!!! Really? EVERY single job?
- *Nobody ELSE gets fired! Really, nobody???
- *Downsizing, which is what they SAID, isn’t really true! Really? Others were also let go as part of the downsizing.
- *I wasn’t even “fired” I was laid off as part of a downsizing which is NOT about ME and is more about the company/economy etc….
Hopefully all of these challenges lead us to change the core belief to:
I was NOT fired because I SUCK, I was let go as part of a company-wide downsizing…it wasn’t about ME and my skills, abilities or value at all!
What a change!!! Exclamation points are allowed here J
Let’s try something
Say, I am CERTAIN I was fired because I SUCK”
Sit with how that FEELS, how that makes you FEEL about yourself…how it is LIKELY to impact how you move forward, how you interact with others, your mood your attitude etc… NOT GREAT right? It makes you feel bad about YOU, makes you more testy, more likely to choose a crappy job for your next job, more likely to guide you in to doing things that are negative and NOT in your best interest.
Now say: I was NOT fired because I SUCK, I was let go as part of a company-wide downsizing…it wasn’t about ME and my skills, abilities or value at all.
Now, how does THAT feel? If you believe it (and hopefully you will when you do his with your OWN core belief) it just feels sooooo much better. It will help you be in a better mood, it will help you be nicer to those around you, it will help guide you to finding a job that is GOOD for you because you BELIEVE you deserve a job that is GOOD for you…because you don’t believe you SUCK.
TADA!!!! Core belief changed!!
Ok…I know…this makes it look easy, one and done. And with less powerful core beliefs, maybe ones that haven’t been around that long or are less global, or we don’t believe SO FULLY…it can work like this. Keep in mind…if it doesn’t work this way on your first run through with your own core belief…try try again. Choose a different belief, maybe one that isn’t so…stubborn…and they can be VERY stubborn. It may take doing this is smaller bits…changing the belief more…slowly…but the tool is basically the same. You would just start…smaller (as mentioned earlier). It also can be hard to get GOOD at this…so keep at it you CAN get better.
Consider it a SUCCESS if the core belief is just…LESS powerful…if it is LESS impactful…even if you are just looking at it differently. This is NOT an easy process…but I have seen it make a big difference in client’s lives. Over time. It took a LONG time to create, memorize and validate these core beliefs, it will take some time to change them. Give yourself the time to DO it.
This is also NOT a one and done…it’s like going to the Gym…you don’t it once and never again…as though that ONE time meant you are in shape! Done! In fact, to get the best benefit you have to go over and over and over and keep going to maintain the benefit. Core beliefs can be…tricky…they can find another way IN to your brain, they can alter just enough…that you believe them again. Or they can be triggered or activated by an event…even a belief you have challenged well…can come back. Paying attention is the key, as it so often IS in any sort of change. Seeing them before they become powerful again…makes them easier to…re-challenge.
Finally lets look at Positive Core Beliefs.
Let revisit what a positive core belief is.
These feel good, they are pretty, and make us smile. Sounds lovely right? And they can be….and we want to HOLD ON and VALIDATE those. There are really two kinds of these. The clearly positive ones…and the tricky ones that SOUND positive but really are NOT so positive after all. We’ll look at both.
First: clear positive core belief
Core Belief: I am a nice person.
Sounds good right? But we don’t often say it that way. We say:
I’m a nice person, usually.
Yep, another qualifier. This time…duh. Of course, you are not a nice person ALL THE TIME. So, why the qualifier? In this case it’s often because it feels UNCOMORTABLE to be so…NICE to ourselves. It’s hubris or conceited…or we feel like it’s a LIE if we DON’T qualify it somehow.
So, give yourself PERMISSION to just BE POSITIVE. Assume there is a qualifier, that you don’t mean ALWAYS. Give yourself the clear:
Core belief: I AM a nice person.
The end.
Can’t do that? Yeah, lots of folks can’t…and here is the reason. We think of evidence that contradicts the belief. Weirdly we actually do, in negative way, what I’ve suggested you do in a positive way…we CHALLENGE the belief!!!
It looks like this:
Core belief: I’m a nice person, usually
In this case the qualifier opens the door to us REMOVING the GOOD feeling this belief gives us because we focus on times were NOT a “nice” person.
So, we think:
There was a time when I didn’t help that old lady cross the street! And another time I didn’t help my honey bring in groceries; and a time I didn’t loan money to x when I could have and and and…yep we RUN with it…until potentially we change the core belief and it becomes:
I SHOULD be a nice person, but I’m really NOT!!!!!!!!!!!
Or
I’m ONLY a nice person when it SUITS me…which means I’m really a ROTTEN person!!!!
WHAT?!?!? Yep, we challenge the POSITIVE to make ourselves believe it LESS and we VALIDATE the negative to make us believe it MORE!!!! WTH!?!?!?
Welcome to the brain! Not really sure why we do this, bigger brains than mine will maybe one day figure this out. For now, I bet you are nodding your head…agreeing that you are at least more likely to negate positive and validate negative. SOOOOO what now? Let’s FLIP THIS!
So, first let’s make this clearly a WIN, a GOOD feeling belief.
Step one: ASSUME that it’s not always, every time etc… That it is…already qualified.
Give yourself permission to just…be POSITIVE…that is not hubris, it’s just nice.
I am a nice person.
Doesn’t that feel better? Ok, a little weird…but better. No room to mess with it or change it into a negative. If you cannot do this…that’s ok…use the qualifier…just try not to.
Still having a hard time?
Step two: FIND evidence that you ARE a nice person.
I did help my honey on Tuesday with the groceries
I did help that older person put their groceries in their car on Tuesday at Walmart
I donated to the Ronald McDonald house charity
I smile at the grumpy checker at the grocery store on Wednesday
I listened to my friend Carol as she talked about her break up
You will note, I hope, that the MORE specific the BETTER. Days, times even, peoples names…the more specifics we use the more we tend to believe what we are saying. Be ready for the qualifiers…they are SO hard to get rid of…just sort of look at them if they are there…and say, yeah of course not ALWAYS, and move on to the next positive validator.
Ok, on to the TRICKY positive core beliefs.
These are the ones that SEEM positive…until we look at them more…fully or more honestly. Or until we sort of see them in practice…how we USE the belief how it guides us. So, lets look at one:
Tricky Core belief: “I’m a FIXER”
Sounds positive right? And if you stick to fixing things that CAN be fixed, that are YOURS to fix…then it IS a clear positive. But we have to LOOK sometimes to see what is BEHIND the belief…what are the details…how do we act based on this belief. Let’s play with this.
Core belief: I’m a fixer.
Thoughts behind the belief:
*I can help folks manage things, but don’t have to always do this
*I can add value to projects, and see where and how to do that
*I can find solutions to complex issues, and collaborate with others to implement the solutions
*I also can recognize what it is POSSIBLE to fix and what is NOT possible…either because it’s not MINE, or it’s just not something that is FIXABLE.
*I can accept that there ARE things I can’t fix and that is ok and I can let them go.
These thoughts/actions suggest it’s a clear positive belief. These are reasonable expectations…they guide us how to effectively act based on this belief. There is room for being human, for having limits, for being realistic and it allows us to FEEL GOOD about ourselves as “fixers.” Nice. We can then validate this as we did above…find times we DID these things…concrete evidence that shows we HAVE helped others, we HAVE added value to projects and on down the list. And done. Pat yourself on the back J
Now, lets look at this again:
Core belief: I’m a fixer!!!
Thoughts behind the belief:
*I HAVE to help folks manage things, or they won’t like me, I won’t have value, I’m a failure and everyone will know it!!!
*I MUST add value to EVERY project, more value than anyone else or I’ll get fired!!!
*I HAVE to find solutions to complex issues, or other folks will think I’m stupid (or I will PROVE I AM stupid)!!!
*I BELIEVE it is POSSIBLE and MY JOB to fix EVERYTHING…even if it’s not MINE…and if it’s not FIXABLE it’s MY failure!!!
*I CANNOT accept that there ARE things I can’t fix…if I can’t fix it, it is NOT OK!!!!
Yep…more exclamation points!!!! See what happened here? It went from what LOOKED like a positive…and spun OUT in to a negative!!! TRICKY BRAIN!!!
So now we have discovered what the REAL core belief is, behind the positive one.
Core Belief: I am a FIXER of all things at all times and if I can’t fix things I’m a FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, we can go back to the previous tool and work the steps. Challenge this belief like we did the other negative ones. And keep challenging it until it is closer to the clear positive version of itself. See, we don’t always need to get RID of a core belief…sometimes we just need to alter it, to move it from negative to positive…or at least closer to positive.
I know. This is a LOT. And believe me I could go on and on about the concept of Core Beliefs. You can do an internet search and find TONS of ways to approach dealing with core beliefs. I even have more tools here on the blog that also address this concept. It’s…well…a core tenet of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I hope this has given you a good start on managing your Core Beliefs…which then can change your World View in a way that can make a difference in how you manage and interact with your world.
Please note, this is not a replacement for therapy and is just designed for informational purposes. If you find you are struggling with any of the information presented here, please reach out and get some assistance from a licensed mental health professional.
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