Zebras Zorses and Horses…OH MY!
Once again I am ALL about simplifying things ☺ Most of you have probably seen the websites, where you figure out what sort of animal you are…they are MANY and varied, and think totally made up by the author 🙂 SO is this! My issue with most of those tools is they are COMPLICATED!!! So, for the sake of simplification…I narrowed it to two….Zebras and Horses. But, then I went online and did a little research on Zebras…I really was curious why we didn’t SEE them ALL OVER…I mean they are a good looking animals! I have zebra boots, a zebra purse…we LIKE how they look…so why are the so…scarce!?! What I found actually supported my analogy! I also found that the powers that be bred the two and came up with this hybrid…calling it the Zorse…so I added that in. So, here goes:
There are basically three sorts of “individuals” in our lives; Zebra’s, Horses and Zorses. Here are the general definitions:
ZEBRAS
According to the Library of Congress Zebras’ have an “unpredictable nature” and “a tendency to attack, which precludes them from being good candidates for domestication.” In short, Zebra’s are not warm fuzzy animals; they are unpleasant and are often mean tempered. They are not looking to please, and tend operate from a strict “fight or flight” response, and so get frightened easily and react (often badly) to any change in what they see as “normal” or “usual.” They will also often attack with little provocation…fun huh?!? For the purposes of this analogy I would also add that they tend to be:
“Know it all’s” experts in EVERY field, even with NO training or experience; think they know what is BEST FOR YOU, better than You do; they often: feel SAD for you that you are so dumb/misguided/naïve etc…especially if you don’t agree with them. They tend to cycle through friends, are generally not FUN to be around and when you have hung out with a zebra for any length of time you likely feel TIRED. Now, don’t get me wrong, they are often well intended…they really often MEAN well, and believe with all their hearts they are trying to HELP…but their delivery and methods tend to be…harsh at best, cruel at worst.
We all know at least one zebra….stop for a moment, think of a “difficult” person in your life…does this sound like them? Do they think they are ALWAYS right, that they know the TRUTH and you are silly/dumb if you disagree? Do you know someone who, when they leave, you feel like you have been drained? Or, do you see YOURSELF in this? Sadly, zebras do not often see themselves this way…sad because that makes it really really really hard to change. BUT, if you do cycle through friends, if you have been told you are inflexible or mean…might be time to see your own stripes…that, however, is a diff post ☺
HORSES
Now, the horse by comparison, is a very warm and fuzzy animal. They are curious and want to please. They are less guided by the “fight or flight” instinct so react more favorably to changes in the environment and to differences of opinion. They have a calm temperament, are on average, kind, and very unlikely to attack others. They want to please and tend to be more loyal. For the sake of the analogy…they can also be TOO kind, the sort to give you the shirt off their back even if it leaves them freezing. They tend to be TOO communal and might have a hard time asserting themselves in many situations (especially when confronted with a zebra). They tend to be very sensitive and take things to heart. MANY of the folks who seek out therapy are horses…because they feel…hurt or afraid or just unable to stand manage. The horse, while easy to be around, may not be easy to figure out…because it is often hard for them to be themselves…they tend toward people pleasing over being who they really are. This person will say YES when they MEAN and WANT to say no…and may even resent you for not knowing they MEANT no 🙂 Also fun huh?
ZORSES
Yep, this animal does exist! The powers that be, bred a horse and a Zebra. This animal was supposed to have more of the favorable characteristics of the horse, such as a more mellow temperament, while still maintaining some of the “Zebraness” mostly the stripes. They were trying to get the best of both worlds…they didn’t…the poor thing had Zebra legs and a horse head…it’s is NOT a pretty animal, so don’t expect to see these around town any time soon. But, again, for the sake of the analogy these guys are tough. Some days, you might get more of the zebra…they might be crotchety or overly opinionated and others you might get more of the communal animal. In some ways these are the toughest of the three, because you don’t know just what you’ll get. Be careful about putting folks here, because OF COURSE most folks have SOME of each…but folks do TEND to have MORE of one than the other, so try to give them the Zebra or Horse label…but if you just can’t…you can stick them here.
Keep in mind part of why I chose Zebras and Horses is because they DO have some similarities…so it’s understandable that we might get confused sometimes. They both have hoofs and tails and similar body shapes…so it makes sense we might expect some similar behaviors. BUT, beware…those similarities can be misleading…and we need to see ALL of the picture, not just the parts we want or like.
Now, given these simple definitions, most of us would choose to have horses in our lives…they are more predictable and stable and…lets face it…it would be EASIER! However, the REALITY is, many of us have Zebra’s in our lives, even in our families…stripes, viscous temperament and all. Folks who, no matter how many times we’ve asked them, continue to do the same things over and over, no matter how hurtful the behavior is! These are the folks that drive us NUTS, that make us think, “did they REALLY just DO THAT!?!?!” usually followed by, “AGAIN”!?!??!” Go back to the Zebra you thought of earlier…or maybe add a few…you know at least one I’m sure of it. You also know Horses, and sometimes they are tough too…because they DON’T say what is on their mind, so we are left trying to figure them out…not an easy task, when it can be so tough for them to be themselves.
The bottom line here is that no matter how desperately we want our Zebras to be Horses, or even Zorse’s, they will continue to be Zebras…and it is unlikely their stripes will change. It is in OUR best interest (and theirs) to accept them for the Zebra’s that they are, including ALL their stripes! To not do this, to expect Zebra’s to be horses, just leads to disaster. In the end, we must go back to what we can and cannot change…we simply do NOT have the power to change a Zebra in to a horse, or even a Zorse…we simply don’t have that sort of control. However, we do have some choices…. for example we can institute a:
Zebra Management Program
Now. we will move on to the Zebra Management Program…where we can learn to better manage those zebras in our lives. This has two parts: Identification and Management. But first, lets look at how many folks currently manage their zebras.
Current Zebra Management:
- Be MAD at the Zebra for being a Zebra, for not meeting our needs, or for not being warm and fuzzy…for not living up to your hopes.
- Keep trying to CHANGE the Zebra in to a horse, driving them and us crazy
- Pretend they ARE horses and get upset when their Zebra-ness shows! Keep in mind, they may act Horse-like sometimes (just like Horses can be a little zebra-ish now and then) BUT, ON BALANCE most folks fall in to one category or the other. Here is the easy way to look at this: if you THINK they are a Zebra they probably ARE a Zebra! And certainly there is no harm in corralling them!
In truth, this is less about the Zebra, and more about our expectations and hopes for that Zebra. It is about US being frustrated because we want them to be something other than what they are, because as Zebras they are not meeting our needs or living up to what we hoped for from them…and instead they are being thoughtless, or unkind, or unloving etc… or at least we SEE them that way. And, somehow, no matter how many times we “fail”…we keep trying to MAKE THEM CHANGE. But, they are ZEBRAS…and they are likely JUST FINE being zebras…and probably don’t even want to change…and certainly, they are not changing just because we asked. So, it is OUR error if we keep hoping a Zebra will somehow do things differently than they have ALWAYS DONE IT and suddenly become a Horse!
How about instead of that MESS, we learn to do it DIFFERENT, BETTER…and make our lives with Zebra’s…at least EASIER than it has been.
NEW ZEBRA MANAGEMENT PROGRAM
STEP ONE: IDENTIFICATION
IDENTIFY YOUR ZEBRAS: name them, identify and acknowledge their stripes (stripes=behaviors, patterns who they are and how they act)…know who they ARE, not who you WANT THEM TO BE…look back, see how they have been “mostly” don’t do the…”but ONCE in 2010 they did this!” think about how they are most often, look for the RULE not the exception. KNOW YOUR ZEBRA…REALLY work on this…might take a some time…because often we have been dealing with these zebra’s for so long and we have been making excuses for them, or just not letting ourselves truly SEE who they are. But, that has also kept us from dealing with them effectively. So, if you want to deal better…you have to SEE better who they really are.
RECOGNIZE HOW THOSE STRIPES IMPACT YOU: Look at how those stripes effect YOU and the relationship you have with the Zebra. How do YOU respond to, interact with, interpret these stripes…do you make them BIGGER than they actually are? Do you MINIMIZE them? Do they “trigger you”? Look at how they make you feel, how much they bug…maybe even scale it, 1 to 10. This is also about getting REAL…seeing how MUCH of an impact a stripe (behavior/action/quirk etc…) has on you. Then you can figure out if where the impact is felt most. So, if a person is not super kind, it’s doesn’t have to be a huge deal…but if you WISH they were LOVING…then their lack of kindness, well, hurts more. THIS step is about YOU looking at YOU…figuring out what is based on YOU and how you are reacting to, looking at and/or interpreting their stripes. This is really KEY, because this is where we can make the most change…remember we cant’ make the Zebra change, so we are looking to change how WE interact with THEM.
STEP TWO: ACCEPT AND TRANSFORM
ACCEPT: First, just accept that they are who they are…period. That’s it…just…accept it. I realize it’s a BIG PILL to swallow…that on some level you don’t want to give up the HOPE that they will change…it can feel awful…because to accept their Zebraness, means you have to accept they will NEVER change and be what/how we want them to be…and we really do HATE THAT! But, this can also end up being a huge relief, because we will no longer be disappointed/let down when they are who they are. It also can be transformative from a relationship standpoint….because it allows us to see what IS, to deal with what IS…rather than what we WISH, or HOPE is. We will no longer be crushed when the zebra acts well…like a zebra! And, we will be able to manage our end differently…enough so that the relationship will change (even though the Zebra likely won’t).
EXAMPLE: One of my fav movies is the Pirates of the Caribbean…there is a scene where Will Turner and Capt Jack Sparrow (the pirate) are in the midst of a sword fight…and Capt. Jack cheats…Will says, ‘YOU CHEATED?!?!!” like he can’t BELIEVE someone would cheat in a sword fight! To which, Capt. Jack replies, “Uhh…PIRATE?!?!!” DUH!!! As though Will is an IDIOT for being surprised that he would cheat!! Now, if Will were being REAL…he would have known Jack would cheat, because Pirate’s are…well…PIRATES, and by definition cheaters!!! Had he been real he may have even presumed he’d cheat…and then been prepared for it, possibly changing his behavior in response to this knowledge. At the very least he would not have been so incredulous that a Pirate did what Pirates DO.
So, ONLY when you get REAL and see Zebra’s AS THEY ARE…and stop trying to CHANGE THEM….can you transform your life with a Zebra.
TRANSFORMATION: Once you accept who they are, several things take place:
- LESS TURMOIL: Simply put, they will bother you less…because you won’t be expecting something they simply don’t have to give. You will be prepared for them.
- LESS CONFRONTATION: On both sides, Zebra’s often will REACT badly to us wanting them to CHANGE, and we react badly when they do NOT. So, no longer expecting the IMPOSSIBLE will make for less…well…confrontations!
- LESS PUNITIVE THOUGHTS: Since YOU will have given up the “control fallacy” (thinking you can change things that are NOT yours to change) and accepted that Zebras are NOT yours to change, you will beat yourself up LESS…because no longer will you feel you FAILED to change them! And will beat THEM up less for not changing.
- LESS ENERGY SPENT: Frankly, it takes a LOT of energy to challenge Zebra’s to try and change them (as is true for trying to change ANYTHING that isn’t OURS to change!) so, NOT trying to change them…takes MUCH less energy.
- LESS FRUSTRATION: See above.
- MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: Yes, you CAN communicate effectively with a Zebra, once you TREAT THEM as ZEBRA’S!
- MORE CONTROL: YEP, more REAL control…because once you ACCEPT your zebras…you can control the part that is YOURS…which is how YOU interact with them/how you PERCEIVE them.
Once you have GOTTEN REAL and see the Zebras for whom and what they are, once you have identifies how they make you REACT (how you are triggered) only THEN you can begin to better manage your life with a Zebra. So, don’t look for short cuts here…put in the work…go over the relationship, who you are, who they are…over time. Because the next step really ONLY works if you have a good handle on who they are and who you are in response to them.
STEP THREE: CORRALLING YOUR ZEBRAS
Once you have GOTTEN REAL and see the Zebras for who and what they are, THEN you can begin to manage them.
So, lets assume you are in a place where you hve worked hard to accept the Zebra’s to see how your reactions to them are yours to change. You now EXPECT them to behave how they MOST OFTEN behave…rather than in some new and improved manner…the rule is the RULE, the exception…well…is the exception. You’ve realized you cannot change them, not by YOU informing them of their stripes, not by YOU hoping, dreaming, and wishing for something different.
BREATHE THIS IN: A ZEBRA IS A ZEBRA…NOT A HORSE. THAT IS WHAT IS.
It is up to YOU to recognize this and accept that truth. Once you do that…then and ONLY then…can you corral your zebras!
Ok now on to corralling! There are two elements to corralling Zebras…. Environment and Perspective. Each is powerful in its own right.
Environmental control: This is TIME, SPACE, ACTIONS. So maybe you can hang with your Zebra friend…for 20 minutes before it starts to go off track…or maybe it’s a certain topic that becomes a problem…or a certain venue….or other folks are around that make it tougher. For example, a Zebra who is always late might not be a good Movie buddy…or a flaky Zebra (or horse for that matter) would not be the person you ask to take you to the airport. This is all about what you DO with the Zebra…controlling the actual Situation you put yourself in when it comes to time with the Zebra. This includes: amount of time, place, time of day, venue, others involved, circumstances…in short pretty much everything in the environment.
Perspective: This one is probably harder in a lot of ways. It’s about how you SEE them and their behavior. We often presume the worst of Zebras, assume they are being MEAN to HURT us, or to just be mean…or that they are just TERRIBLE people who think ONLY of themselves…or that they don’t LIKE us or that they even HATE us. We SEE what they do and say through SHIT colored classes (the opposite of Rose Colored glasses) so that what they do is perceived as BAD/MEAN/UGLY/SELFISH etc…. In reality, I truly believe that often Zebras intentions are GOOD…they THINK they are doing the RIGHT thing, HELPING out somehow…I know, it may not seem like it, but really they do! In fact, they often see themselves as doing what other folks are just too…wimpy to do themselves. Or as “educators” and often will see Horses as “uninformed” or “misguided” again, the Horse’s behavior is just as much a mystery to the Zebra as the Zebra’s is to the Horse. So, managing your perspective…trying to take OFF those shit colored glasses will help. Don’t be DUMB here, sometimes Zebra’s ARE being mean, or spiteful…it’s just a matter of not ASSUMING that to be the case every single time you interact with them…but in LOOKING to SEE if it IS the case THIS TIME…or not.
Sometimes we do the opposite, and assume the Zebra doesn’t “mean it” or is “having a bad day” we make excuses for them, try to see them as HORSES and explain their actions through that lens. ROSE colored glasses don’t help us anymore than the Shit colored ones do. This is NOT being real, it leads us to being confused and to having the wrong expectation, one that is rarely if ever met. So, we think…the Zebra will be horse-like if you just ask things in the right way, or if you just wait until they are in a better mood or or or…this is ASSUMING that somehow in some way they are really HORSES, we just have to bring that out in them. Nope. They are Zebra’s because they are Zebras…that is that.
So, now that you have understand the elements of perspective and environment…how do we USE this knowledge? Well, you create a corral.
Corral: Corrals are just a way of…managing the Zebra that keeps things…safe. Horses and Zebra’s do not play well in the same pen…the Horses often end up bitten or kicked and cowering in the corner…so, they must be kept separate…if they are to coexist in some semblance of peace. Look at it this way…if you get into the corral with a Zebra…YOU are giving them ACCESS to YOU, you are allowing them to get close enough to DO DAMAGE…they will treat you like another zebra…and be surprised when you don’t like it! Because the Zebra doesn’t really KNOW that their actions BOTHER YOU, or even that they are wrong (even if you have told them, they don’t think you SHOULD be bothered) because after all, it wouldn’t really bother another zebra, at least not much…or if it DID the OTHER ZEBRA would just BITE BACK…so YOUR response (lack of the bite back) is just as ODD to them…as THEIRS is to YOU. So, it is up to YOU…to create a corral that is strong and lasting and keeps you both you from being BIT. It also, in the end, helps the Zebra…even if they don’t know you are doing it.
Corral Construction: This is done piece by piece, pole by pole…post hole by post hole. Ever built a fence? It takes some time and effort…but once it’s done…if it’s done well…it doesn’t have to be redone for a long time. Now, and this is important…each Zebra will need a corral built JUST for them. The corrals should manage both Environment and Perspective…they should be as specific and concrete as you can make them…the more specific and concrete the more durable and lasting they will be. Build them…post by post, piece by piece. In my mind…this is like those metal pens…where each piece fits into the one next to it…three rungs, posts between dug deep in the ground…to keep them upright…but then I grew up in Rural Ca…so I’ve seen my share of these.
Mostly what I mean here is…have a PLAN…concrete things you DO and DO NOT do, things you THINK and DO NOT THINK…based on the actual Zebra needing the corral. Sounds more complex than it is…it just needs to be done to fit the Zebra in question…so it will fit the Zebra you need to keep corralled. Each pole should address an issue with that Zebra…this is why you need to KNOW those issues. Let me give some examples.
Some suggested Fence Posts:
TIME SPENT: “I can spend ½ hour with them, and still do ok”
DISTRACTORS: “I can go to the show with them, because there is a distractor…something else going on”
OTHER FOLKS: This is when it HELPS to have other folks there, like a buffer ☺ So, be sure to have folks there that provide that function. Keep in mind there are also certain folks who make it WORSE, so do what you can to NOT bring them together!”
SAFE SUBJECTS: We need to know which “subjects” we can discuss without issue and which ones we can’t…this is huge…and we need to do some work here. Find the safe subject or topics, then…if you veer off those…make every effort to change the subject to another safe one.
NEUTRALIZERS: go with the flow statements…responses that don’t give the zebra ammunition to SHOOT you. Something along the lines of “huh, I didn’t think of it that way” or even “that is interesting” nothing committal, so you don’t have to AGREE or disagree…just be neutral
CERTAIN ACTIVITIES: Maybe going to an intimate gathering is better with a NON-zebra, than a zebra…whereas maybe a sporting event would be great! Know which activities work and which ones don’t.
NEEDS MET/EXPECTATIONS: Figure out what YOUR needs and expectations are, and find a way to get them met WITHOUT the Zebra! DO NOT TURN TO ZEBRAS FOR NEEDS THAT THEY CANNOT MEET. They may be able to meet some…just know what they are and manage your expectations appropriately.
ADVANCE PLAN: sit with your knowledge of your Zebra, think of what has (and has NOT worked in the past) Look at where you are, your stress level, your mood etc… Take some nice deep breaths and prepare yourself for the time you’ll spend with the Zebra.
EXIT PLAN: yep, always have a way OUT. Even as simple as “excuse me I have to pee” and go to the bathroom where you can calm yourself, go back and remind yourself of what works and what doesn’t. Be the one who goes to the store, or runs the errand, or walks the dog…whatever it is that gets you OUT. If that short break doesn’t work…having an plan for how you will leave that you can put in to place BEFORE YOU NEED IT. If we wait too long to exit, things are more likely to get UGLY and corrals are supposed to avoid that!
BUILD YOUR OWN CORRALS
You can use the above as a guideline…but since Zebra’s stripes are very individual (like a snowflake, no two alike!) you’ll need some very unique corral formations designed to fit. So, go back to your Zebra list, and create a corral for EACH ONE OF THEM!!!
NOTE ON CORRALS: Because we may still WANT a Zebra to be a horse, we must be CAREFUL in our Corral building…and maintenance. Once they are in a corral…things may seem so much better…like they are hardly Zebras at all! It can SEEM like they are MORE horse-like…maybe they behave NICE one time, and so we start to think… “Things are going well, maybe I don’t NEED the corral!” It is LIKELY things are going well BECAUSE of the corral…but sometimes we FORGET that. RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO LET THEM OUT!!!! I know this is HARD…so we will add a tool to deal with it in your Zebra Management Program…creating LOCKS.
Lock that gate, or the zebra will get out!
Every Corral has a gate…just how it is…otherwise how would you get the zebra IN to the corral?!?! Ok, so if there is a gate…it can open…and we, again, can be tempted to do so because we have corralled them so well…things are going much better! So, to resist this temptation…you NEED LOCKS…maybe lots of them….again tailored to the Zebra, and to YOU. These are the things that REMIND you of what IS…keep you on track. Remember the Zebra’s don’t even know they are IN a corral…so this is so YOU can keep them there…not so they want to stay there.
Here are some suggested locks:
- CUE CARDS: Create one for each Zebra, put their particular stripes and actual experiences we have had with them…serves as a reminder of the RULE so we don’t ACT on the exception.
- TELL FOLKS: Tell others of the corral…we don’t have to say exactly WHY, just enough info so they can WARN US if we try to let the Zebra out…so we might say to a friend, “man when I go away for the weekend with Susan, it’s a nightmare…lumch is fine, but any longer than that is TOO MUCH! So, next time I say I want to go for any more than lunch…will you slap me upside the head??” You get the idea ☺
- KEEP A FILE: with everyone we know we need a file…we can keep it in the BEST FILING CABINET ever…AKA…the BRAIN. In this file, go all the things the person does…good bad and ugly. I had a professor who used to say, “we learn things about folks every time we talk to them…we just tend to forget it five minutes later” Creating a file, keeps us from forgetting! Longer and more detailed than the cue card…but works the same way.
- Zebra’s do NOT think like horses. What a horse thinks is TERRIBLE, a Zebra may see as a regular day or they may even REVEL in the things that make horses NUTS. Be careful not to project your horse feelings, thoughts and interpretations ON to the Zebra.
- REMEMBER: the relationship is likely better because of the corral! But it may never be all you would like it to be.
- BE PROUD: You have done good work here, made things better just by changing what YOU do…own your success!!!
If you have a sufficient number of locks, when you are TEMPTED to let the Zebra out, the locks will make you think twice…or three of four times…and by then, you will likely have thought better of it, and let them stay in their corral. IF you DO let them out, and it goes well…DO NOT BE FOOLED…ZEBRA’S DO NOT CHANGE INTO HORSES. But remember too, they aren’t ALL BAD…we can enjoy the good parts AND keep them in their corrals!
Note: I know, folks CAN and DO change…IF you think this is the case…I would argue it still isn’t a bad thing to have a corral…in truth…we could use this tool with everyone…it’s work I know…but it can make our relationships easier and more satisfying and certainly makes US more realistic. Even other horses will sometimes make us NUTS…so even if you SEE change…keeping the corral, but maybe changing the size or shape…is the way to go.
It’s not EASY to Corral a Zebra, and sometimes they will fight it…but hang tough, it does work and can make things so much better. In the end it will be well worth the time and effort when you can sit with a zebra (from outside the corral you constructed) and NOT get bit, kicked or attacked by them…yet still have them in your life! You will be in CHARGE and the best part, they won’t even know it!
Final Note on Zebras: RETAIN OR RELEASE?
You might be asking…why keep them around at all??? Well, in truth…we can decide if it’s worth all the work it takes to corral them and keep them IN the corral once it’s constructed…so here is a note on that:
RETAIN: If you have managed them well, corralled them effectively…you may find they aren’t so bad. If you have adjusted YOUR expectations to fit what THEY have to offer…these relationships can be kind of good. So, you want to keep them. Or lets say it’s a family member or an in-law…or a boss or coworker…and you HAVE to keep them around…then best learn to build some solid stable corrals. But keep in mind:
If you realize that a particular Zebra has so MANY negative stripes, that it is just TOO MUCH to manage,
YOU CAN CUT THEM LOSE: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KEEP ZEBRA’S IN YOUR LIFE.
RELEASE: You may read that and think, “Yeah right” but the TRUTH is, as ADULTS we do get to CHOOSE who we have in our lives (and who we do NOT). Novel concept, right? While is it not always an easy choice, it is indeed a choice. So, if a ZEBRA proves too difficult to corral, or we just cannot seem to manage things…we can (and maybe need to) figure out how to cut them loose. This can be hard for horses, because it feels like a very NON-horselike behavior. It feels like “giving up” or failing somehow or just mean/unkind…but remember all you horses out there…YOU COUNT TOO and if keeping a Zebra IN your life is RUINING your life…THAT Is not ok. If you do need to release them, at least (after working this program) you will be able to find some solace in knowing that you tried to KEEP them around, but that despite your best efforts…it is better for YOU to no longer have them in your life.
Some Zebra’s we just don’t feel we can release…maybe it’s a family member, In-law, coworker or boss…or you just don’t WANT to release them…then it’s important to remind yourself of why you are making that choice.
If you decide to KEEP a Zebra in your life:
- YOU CHOOSE to keep them, knowing JUST who they are. We tend to feel better knowing that it is a choice we made, rather than a “have to”
- YOU have the power to Manage the Zebra. NOT change them, NOT make them who you want them to be…but to manage them. This doesn’t mean you will LOVE the relationship, just that you will take charge of the parts that are actually YOURS to take charge of.
- YOU COUNT TOO, so take breaks, especially from the particularly difficult Zebras, cut yourself some slack if there are times the Zebra Management program doesn’t work as well as you’d like.
- Zebras will always BE Zebra’s the relationships won’t look like those with other horses. It is important to accept that fact.
- Remember, acceptance is a perquisite to managing Zebras. , so if you are still struggling with seeing them AS THEY ARE…go back, try again…GET REAL…it is the only way to move forward.
- Once you have identified and accepted your Zebra(s) AS IS…and you have begun to create your Corrals…things can really get better.
- This is NOT EASY, and Zebra’s will sometimes RESIST, keep at it…change course as needed and know that this is not ONE and DONE…it takes time and effort, and you have to “check your fences” periodically to make sure they are still standing!
Final thought: once a Zebra is well managed, they aren’t so bad…and can in fact…even be fun to hang out with! Also, if YOU let them out of the corral…and they BIT YOU IN THE ASS…remember, YOU have the power to put them back in!
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